Writing Effective Sentences

WRITING EFFECTIVE SENTENCES

A GENERATIVE RHETORIC OF THE SENTENCE

Adapted from Francis Christensen and Bonniejean Christensen, Notes Toward a New Rhetoric: Essays for Teachers (1978).

The most graphic way to exhibit the layers of structure [as these reveal coordination and subordination of ideas] is to indent the word groups of a sentence and to number the levels. [Level 2 is subordinate to level 1, level 3 to level 2, etc.] .... The symbols mark the grammatical character of the additions: SC, subordinate clause; NC, noun cluster; VC, verb cluster; AC, adjective cluster; A + A, adjective series; Abs, absolute (i.e., a VC with a subject of its own); PP, prepositional phrase, [AdvC, adverbial clause; AdjC, adjective clause; CC, coordinating conjunction; PastPP, past participial phrase; PresPP, present participial phrase; SCS, subordinate clause signal]. [IC, independent clause, level 1. Look up all of these italicized terms in your handbook. See the NOTE at the end of this document.]

EXAMPLE 1

1 He dipped his hands in the bichloride solution and shook them, (IC)

2 a quick shake, (NC

3 fingers down, (Abs)

4 like the fingers of a pianist above the keys. (PP)

Sinclair Lewis

EXAMPLE 2

2 Calico-coated, (AC)

2 small-bodied, (AC)

3 with delicate legs and pink faces

4 in which, (SCS)

5 their mismatched eyes rolled wild and subdued (SC)

1 they huddled, (IC)

2 gaudy, motionless, and alert, (A + A)

2 wild as deer, (AC)

2 deadly as rattlesnakes, (AC)

2 quiet as doves. (AC)

William Faulkner

EXAMPLE 3

1 The bird's eye remained fixed upon him, (IC)

2 bright and silly as a sequin (AC)

1 its little bones seemed swooning in his hand, (IC w/ PresPP w/ PP)

2 wrapped in a warm padding of feathers (PastPP w/ PP)

Stella Bensa

EXAMPLE 4

1 The jockeys sat bowed and relaxed, (IC)

2 moving a little at the waist with the movement of the horses. (PresPP w/ PP)

Katherine Anne Porter

EXAMPLE 5

1 He could sail for hours, (IC)

2 searching the blanched grasses below telescopic eyes, (PresPP w/ PP)

2 gaining height against the wind, (PresPP w/ PP)

2 descending in mile-long, gently declining swoops (PresP w/ PP)

3 when he curved and rode back, (AdvC)

2 never beating a wing. (PresPP)

Walter Van Tilburg Clark

EXAMPLE 6

1 Joad's lips stretched tight over his long teeth for a moment, (IC w/ PP) and (CC)

1 he licked his lips, (IC)

2 like a dog, (PP)

3 two licks, (NC)

4 one in each direction from the middle. (NC w/ PP)

John Steinbeck

EXAMPLE 7

1 We all live in two realities: (IC)

2 one of seeming fixity, (NC w/ PP)

3 with institutions, dogmas, rules of punctuation, and routines, (PP)

3 the calendared and clockwise world of all but futile round

on round; (NC w/ PP) and (CC, connecting level 2 sentences)

2 one of whirling and flying electrons, dreams, and possibilities, (NC w/ PP)

3 behind the clock. (PP)

Sidney Cox

EXAMPLE 8

1 The hospital was set for night running, (IC)

2 smooth and silent, (A + A)

2 its normal clatter and hum muffled, (Abs w/ PastP)

2 the only sounds heard in the white-walled room distant and unreal: (Abs)

3 a low hum of voices from the nurses' desk, (NC w/ PP)

4 quickly stifled, (PastPP)

3 the soft squish of rubber-soled shoes on the tiled corridor, (NC w/ PP)

3 starched white cloth rustling against itself, (NC w/ PP) and, outside,

3 the lonesome whine of wind in the country night (NC w/ PP) and

3 the Kansas dust beating against the windows. (NC w/ PP).

[an undergraduate student wrote this sentence]

[NOTE: It is absolutely necessary that one have a keen conceptual grasp of coordination and subordination, not only in order to write good sentences, but more importantly in order to know one's own mind, i.e., what in one's mind is of the greatest importance and what of secondary importance. Thus, thinking and writing are not two different things, but one thing, "thinking-and-writing," which suggests, at the very least, that until we have written down our thoughts and made them clear to ourselves, we really cannot know precisely the contents of our own minds. In other words, until we have thought about something for a long time, which usually involves writing it down sooner or later, we do not really know what we are talking about. jbc]